apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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