it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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