remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
