After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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