im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
