I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
