Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
