Plan B is the new Plan A
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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