My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
