I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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