How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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