I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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