I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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