we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
