your room smells of hookers.
And success
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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