I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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