Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
