the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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