I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
