Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
