Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
