Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
