I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
