is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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