We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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