I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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