I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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