real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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