I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
