I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
