New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
