He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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