So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
