The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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