I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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