Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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