Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
