The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
