I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
