My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
