New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
