what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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