no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
