ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
