glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
