Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
