I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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