i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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