Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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