I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
