So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
