its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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