I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
