Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
