I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
