No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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