3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
only if we run a train.
done.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
