the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is Oprah even human
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
