I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
