I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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