You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
