You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
