Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize