I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
