note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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