Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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