He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
