if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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