It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
