dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
