how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
In America we eat man semen.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
