STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
