ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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