I wanna passion pit in your ass
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
