True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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