turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
