My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's never too late to be topless.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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