cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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