one two three fourrrrnication!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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