cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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