I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Randomize
