Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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