non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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