Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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